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And another thing...

My parents have brought us three kids up with wisdom and self-denial. They are sensitive to our needs for privacy and the latest example of this is that my Dad said he doesn't comment on my blog in case he "cramps my style". While I recognise and am thankful for the respect of my space, I want to say you guys can comment any time you like, although somehow I think my Dad may have the same issues as I with brevity... something I've managed quite well today.
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Proverbs 17:6

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Children's children are a crown to the aged

And parents are the pride of their children.

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Not many people can say that these days.

A Nutshell

Bill spoke today: am Esther 4; pm Romans 8. Key verses for me:
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Esther 4:14 (easily one of my all-time favourites)

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"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews

will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish.

And who knows but that you have come to royal position

for such a time as this?"

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Romans 8:28

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"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those

who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

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Those of you who know me well will realise why today has been an encouraging day for me, sermon wise. Those of you who aren't that privileged (?!) will either have to try and work it out, or ask me... the explanation will be long though, so only ask if you really want to know...!

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Either way, those verses are rich with meaning for all of us, so give them some prayerful thought for yourself.

The Sun has got his Hat on

...his thick Russian one, and his coat, and by rights he should have scarf and gloves on too.

What I don't get... that sun is however many thousands/millions centigrade hot, so when there's nothing much between me and it, why is it still so cold?!

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I have many musings on the sun, especially since being in Burkina, where the sun is so hot it is physically crushing, mentally oppressing and spiritually sapping. All the Biblical references to sun and heat and desert became strikingly real to me when out there, and have changed me in many ways...

More visibly and trivially -as visible things are- I can now proudly down a pint (of water), when my parents will testify that as a kid I used to drink painfully little, painfully slowly.

De toute façon, my complaints about English sun are short-lived and very tongue-in-cheek, because I actually believe it gives the most beautiful kind of sunshine. It's kind, it's good, it's nurturing, it does no harm but just provides an exquisite light by which to see the rest of God's glorious creation in this land of unpretentious, undulating beauty. It's purely lovely to sit in, to walk in, to talk in, to play in... I love the sunshine.

It does peculiar things to my outlook on life.

My friends here in Liverpool have fairly quickly established that even after 20+ years, I have not learnt that in England, in February, even when the sun is out it does not mean it's warm... But I don't care. I'll wear my flip-flops anyway. When the sun's on my skin, I'm warm, whatever the actual temperature.

Until I sit in church, i.e. when the sun's not on my skin, and I realise humbly I have misjudged the season, and start to freeze, as per yesterday.

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Anyway, the peculiar things... I don't really have an answer to this, by the way.

Most often it makes me happy. Lighthearted, playful. All is well when the sun is out. I want to wear summery things and sit in the sun, and even run around (something I'm not exactly famed for). Often it feels very epic; I feel like I'm a character in a novel, and that something momentous should happen. It rarely does, but I like to imagine that it might.

But just sometimes it makes me feel low. It makes me miss home, and my loved and lost ones, and makes me want so much to go Home. Not cause there's anything particularly bad or lacking about life down here; just cause something in me rises up and protests against there being seasons of good and seasons of bad, past things, future things. Good things should just be.

Well, I could go on, but I'll restrain myself.

And by the way, English sunshine is the most beautiful, when it's out and warm, but it's not out and/or warm for very long, so the whole "I was born for the Med thing" still stands. Just had to clarify that...
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Today's daily bread is...

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I know not what of good or ill has been reserved for me

Of weary ways or golden days before His face I'll see

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But I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to take that which I've committed unto Him against that day

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Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;

my hope comes from Him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

He is my fortress, I shall not be shaken.

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My salvation and my honour depend on God;

He is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust Him at all times, O people;

pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.

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Psalm 62:5-8

Dancing in the Moonlight

I will write a proper post detailing everyone's dress/suit, the chandeliers, the food, the music, the moonlight, romance... (ok not so much the last two) when I have more time, but for now, although I should be working I'm just going to quickly post some photos of last night's Annual CU Ball.

This is the crew I went with - from left, that's me, Claire, Hannah, Krit, Kate and Laura

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Me and Beth, who both arrived on time!

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Laura and Jacinth, looking stunning

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Laura, Sharon and Cairine, medic lovelies

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Me and Gemma;

Gemma unwittingly advertising Nghia's exquisite dress-making skills in this gorgeous golden number.

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Just to prove there were guys there too!; James, Adam, Matt and Krit

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Ooh look, and two more; Steve and Jon

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Dresses, jewellery, lots of attention, chandeliers, balloons, confetti, white wine and profiteroles with two kinds of chocolate sauce...

Guys - this is a what a woman wants...

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About 1:30am.

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Bashed (nails), blistered (underneath), bruised and bleeding.

Cerveza de passion.

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If anyone has any photos of... my Bridge buddy Rachel, Paul & Charly (by the time I remembered, lovely Charly was barely standing for fatigue), Miss Kirsty in pink, any of the guys, lol (I swear I saw some around) or anyone else whose photos I never got round to taking, please can I have them? Thankyou.

And thankyou to everyone who made it such a good night.

A good day

Last night I watched my newest favourite film, The Count of Monte Cristo. Haven't done this in a while, so I did it properly - tucked up in bed, hot chocolate in hand, laptop on legs (therefore "leg-top"?), and it was bliss. There's a reason God invented DVDs. And quiet Saturday nights. And for the first time in about a week and a half, I slept pretty well. (Don't worry, it's normal - occasionally I do have an insomniac week/month.) Praise God for sleep - a beautiful invention!

8 hours later I woke, not feeling too grand healthwise, and mused about whether I should go to church, or go to "Bedside Baptist" and go to church later. I don't think it's dreadfully heathen to decide against going to church once in a while, but today I went. Twice! (I know!) And, as always, I'm glad I did.

Bill spoke on Esther 1 today, and I'm really up for the rest of the series. God really encouraged me to set my standards high and stand up for them, even if it means being divorced by the king of Persia (although somehow I doubt that's a risk). He also showed me, again, how even though people do wrong things, and I do wrong things, and there's no excuse for it, God can and does sovereignly use our mistakes, and us, in His plans.
E.g., it wasn't right for the king to get drunk and randy (in the Bible!), and it wasn't right for him to divorce his dignified queen, but God used it all to bring Esther on the scene, and that, methinks, was quite the good move.
If you don't know the story, it's in the Bible, in the Old Testament, and it's called Esther, unsurprisingly. It's really good - I recommend it - the action film, pretty ladies, fine palaces, conspiracies, death-defiance, a big rescue op, kings, queens, baddies, goodies etc...

Anyway, after the morning service, and after talking to lots of people I haven't seen in a while/ever, a proportion of the good old student community trundled off to Paul's house, where we ate pork, and chicken, among other things, discovered the space-chair (well, Gemma did), and played Uno, with some amazing new rules I'm going to subject my home-people to at some point...

Back to halls; prepared tomorrow night's hall group study of Joshua 5 and 6 in an hour and a half (fastest yet!); prayed a while; got ready to meet Rachel to go out to church again. Her parents had just brought her back from a weekend at home, and they gave us a lift to church. Going to church in a car... felt quite the aristocrat!

Bill spoke on Romans 7, and really I can't give a synopsis here! But sometimes the Bible seems to be written to me. The apostle Paul says "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good... For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing." Quite convoluted, but it does make sense if you follow it. It's about our being stuck in a personal civil war; you want to do good, but somehow you always manage to screw up. This passage shows us that it is the Law that shows us how/where/how badly we've screwed up. It is only Christ who can set us free and give us the strength to break the cycle. Read it for yourself though.

And after the evening service, and after talking to lots more people I haven't seen in a while/ever, and after starting to book up my March, a different proportion of the good old student community trundled off to Christoff & Sarah's beautiful home. There we covered a whole lot of topics between us, and generally had a rollicking good night.

It's funny, reading back through my Burkina diary (gap year #1). The more depressive entries had no-one's name in, apart from the kids'. The entries which mentioned, the kids as always, but also many other names of people I had spent time with that day, were also my good days, my uplifting days that I love to remember. I didn't notice this correlation at the time, but now I know that without fail, a good day is a day with lots of people in it. Praise God.

Praise God that He didn't "only" call us into a relationship with Him, but also He called us, from the creation of the world, from the birth of His plans, into relationships with others, into His multi-coloured family. I love that that's not just a bonus of church - it's half the whole point.

Jehovah Jireh
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I remember, years ago now, as a kid at Bible Club at Rugby church, singing a song whose words I can now not remember past the first line. I just looked it up on the net and here it is...
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Jehovah Jireh, God will provide

Jehovah Rophe, God heals

Jehovah M'keddesh, God who sanctifies

Jehovah Nissi, God is my banner

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Jehovah Rohi, God my Shepherd

Jehovah Shalom, God is peace

Jehovah Tsidkenu, God our righteousness

Jehovah Shammah, God who is there

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Weirdly, I vividly remember my friend Rebekah's Dad teaching it to us kids with his guitar. I may have been impressed that he could remember the meaning of all the Hebrew words, and also the order in which they came in the song.
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But it's the first line of the song that God has brought back to me time and time again since I learnt it.
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Jehovah Jireh, God will provide.
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There's another song of which I only remember the first line. I think we used to sing it at school, and it was one of those ridiculous ode-to-the-weather type songs they make you sing when they've gone off singing to God. This may be why I don't remember it, and can't find it on the net, but here's the first line anyway:
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January days are long...
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Slightly lacking in theological profundity compared to the first, but nevertheless both first lines have been true for me recently.
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How good is God that He not only prepares good, pleasing and perfect (Rom12:2) trials for us, but that He wonderfully prepares us for our trials. Read again Moses' story, Peter's, Esther's, David's, Amy Carmichael's, Hudson Taylor's...
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At the beginning of last month, January, after my "exams", I had the wonderful opportunity to go back to my Worcester for a few days. I stayed with my second host family, who I raved about in a previous post, and thoroughly enjoyed catching up with them.
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- Ben has recently been initiated into manhood via a relative's gift of a playstation (sorry guys, I know it's not true of all men, but I do know a good proportion of (otherwise good!) men who would themselves admit to spending far too much time behind a screen of one sort or another... And there is a significant difference in the proportion of women I know with the same problem - i.e. I don't know any... oh no, I do know one.) Anyway that's Ben; and he's getting better at reading, and getting me to read to him, which happens more often.

- And Emily is initiating herself into girlhood via her ever increasing vocabulary and urge to talk! (sorry girls, it is true of pretty well all women; I'm not even going to try to mount a justification for it.) It's really cool. She chats away now, is very sharp, endlessly amusing, and even talks about things she remembers from back when she wasn't talking much, which just shows how frustrating it must have been to be completely comprehending life, yet unable to verbally partake in it! I got to go to her dance lesson too, which she got the swing of eventually.
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I also went back to the youthgroup I was leader of. They were leading the church prayer meeting that night, and it was marvellously uplifting to hear the kids leading in prayer, saying what they wanted prayer for, and sharing in prayer in other people's requests. Also visited the lady who first hosted (hostessed?) me in Worcester, and caught up with her which was fab. On Sunday I got to go back to my church, which I must say, I know I was only there for a year, but Woodgreen is my home church. I do miss her. And will post about her at some point I'm sure. Sunday afternoon we had another family round for dinner, the parents of which I am good friends with and respect very much. And... I must add, although it seems obvious to me, that I had a very blessed time talking with Tim and Becky (hosts #2) and catching up with them.

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But most markedly I got time to spend with God. I sat in my old room and remembered prayers I had prayed, concerns that tried to bridle me at the time, and praised God for His blessings at the time, for keeping me, and reflected on the miraculous answers to many of those prayers. Jehovah Jireh. He did provide. Financially. Spiritually. Emotionally. Socially. Academically. From the creation of the earth He had ordained that I should feel like I belonged in Worcester, in the host family #2, in the church, in the college.
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God provided. In difficult times, in uncertain times. That is my Ebenezer. It is my grace-story, or one of them. God help me to remember those times. When I came back to Liverpool, I put this verse of a song on my wall:

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His love in time past forbids me to think

He'll leave me at last in trouble to sink;

Each sweet Ebenezer I have in review

Confirms His good pleasure to help me quite through.

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Little did I know how much I would come to need those reminders in the second half of January. Like I said, January days were long.

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When I had malaria, not generally considered a healthy state to be in, I didn't stress. I did what I had to do, and let God's purpose (which was for me to live...) work itself out. When I don't have employment, ok it sends me stir crazy to be doing nothing, but I don't stress about finances. That's not because I'm great - it's because God gives me faith based on the numerous times He has provided in the past. Academically, ok apart from last year, I usually don't stress. I just get on with it. Might not sleep much, but I don't stresshead half as much as I do about housing. You might need to see this to understand how little I stress about everything else comparative to housing.

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I've been in "Where on earth am I going to live?" quandaries several times now, and every time, God has provided. Sometimes His sovereign provision has been hard to cope with, but He has kept me, and sometimes His sovereign provision has been very hard to leave.

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So why oh why must I stress about housing?! I lay awake one night recently, half of my brain very low and drained with the housing happenings of the weekend, and trying to figure out what in the world I could do about it ("nothing, Cathy, go to sleep" is too defeatist for me), and the other half arguing it's socks off, desperate to go to sleep, telling me that worrying could not add an hour to my life or a housemate to my house, that Jesus provides for the sparrows and the grass, and am I not worth more than these? (Matthew 6 - I know it well), reciting verses to me of His promises to provide, recounting the numerous ways God has provided in the past, and mounting formidably logical arguments to the effect of "Shut up and go to sleep! Jehovah Jireh!". But alas there is no ON/OFF switch to my head, it just goes on and on.

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Called my Dad in the morning, knowing full well that on about an hour's fitful sleep and stressheading about housing I wasn't going to get any work done anyway. Cried down the phone at him (seriously, I know this is ridiculous; but hopefully this will encourage you somehow!). In my slight defence, there was other stuff getting me down as well, but we don't need to go into that here.

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My Dad is a godly and gifted man in many ways. One of his gifts, which has been both his curse and blessing over the years I'm sure, is wisdom in how to deal with his eldest daughter. Like you don't normally remember the details of your own surgery, I don't remember the details of what he said, but I know he prayed down skype for me (I wonder what the skype people would think to that?!). I had been praying a whole lot myself, but having someone else pray for you is remarkably uplifting and calming.

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God's mercies are new every morning. He is faithful. Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow... I am thankful that before He started to answer my prayers practically, He answered prayers for my faith. There were a couple days there when superficially things did not improve, but praise Him, He gave me a measure of faith every day. He uplifted me. He led me beside quiet waters and restored my soul. He put friends in my way to encourage and uplift me. He whispered His peace and His promises to me. And I slept.

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(A Christian I am getting, very slowly, to know, was in conversation ages ago about the things in his life that would cause your ordinary saint to stress, at least a bit. But when not sleeping came up, he said something that ended with "The devil's not getting my sleep!". I am awed by that assertion. It's brilliant. I aspire to be able to say that one day.)

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And when He had done work in my heart, He did work in my life. Things started to come together. Options started to appear. Surprise surprise, it looks like Jehovah might just Jireh again. Things are not signed, sealed and delivered yet, and there's a good reason God tells us not to trust even in princes, but to put our trust in Him, and I am. As my Dad prayed, God is helping me to "hold these things more lightly", to roll with it, and trust Him for and with the end result. This is His work in my life. Glory be to Him.

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May I try next time to remember...

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Jehovah Jireh.